Helping Your Child Set 'Process' Goals

We’ve all been there. It’s a Saturday afternoon, the sun is beating down on the gym roof, and you’re watching your keiki from the stands. Maybe they’re struggling with their serve, or perhaps they just got pinned in a wrestling match. On the car ride home, the conversation usually drifts toward the "Big Goal." *"I want to win the championship." "I want to be the MVP." "I want that gold medal."* As parents, we love that ambition. We want them to have the trophy. But here’s the truth we don’t often talk about at the post-game plate lunch: **You can’t actually control who wins the trophy.** You can’t control the refs, the other team's height, or whether the flu sweeps through the locker room. When we only set "Outcome Goals," we’re teaching our kids to tie their happiness to things they can't control. If we want to build athletes who are resilient, focused, and—most importantly—actually enjoying the game, we have to stop chasing the trophy and start chasing the **1%.** --- ### **The "Process" vs. The "Prize"** In the world of sports psychology, we talk about **Outcome Goals** vs. **Process Goals**. * **The Outcome Goal:** "I want to win the state title." (The "What") * **The Process Goal:** "I’m going to sprawl ten extra times after every wrestling practice." (The "How") Think of it like hiking Diamond Head. If you just stare at the summit the whole time, the trail feels long, steep, and miserable. But if you focus on just taking the next ten steps, before you know it, you’re looking at the ocean from the top. ### **How to Help Your Keiki Set Goals That Actually Stick** If you want to help your child level up this season, here is how to shift the conversation from "winning" to "growing." #### **1. Make it "Micro"** A goal like "be a better basketball player" is too big. It’s like saying "I want to be healthy." Okay... how? Help them pick one specific, tiny thing. * **Basketball:** "I will shoot 50 free throws before I leave the court." * **Jiu-Jitsu:** "I will focus on keeping my elbows in during every roll today." #### **2. Focus on the "Controllables"** Ask your child: *"What is one thing you can do today that doesn't depend on the scoreboard?"* In sports like wrestling or martial arts, the outcome can be decided in seconds. But a goal like, "I will be the first person on the mat for warm-ups," is something they own 100% of the time. That ownership builds massive confidence. #### **3. The "1% Better" Rule** We live in a world of highlight reels and instant success. We need to remind our kids that greatness is actually pretty boring. It’s just doing the same small things correctly, over and over again. If they get 1% better at their baseball swing every day, by the end of the season, they aren't even the same player. --- ### **The Parent’s Secret Weapon: The "Soft" Follow-Up** Here is where we come in. Our job isn't to be the second coach; it’s to be the support system. Instead of asking, *"Did you win?"* or *"How many points did you get?"* try shifting the focus to their process goals. * *"Hey, I noticed you stayed late to work on those takedowns. How did that feel?"* * *"I saw you kept your head up even when the score was down. That’s that 1% growth right there."* When we praise the **effort** rather than the **result**, we give them permission to fail, learn, and get back up. In the islands, we talk a lot about *ohana* and community. Part of that is realizing that sports are just a classroom for life. The trophies will eventually gather dust on a shelf in the hallway. But the habit of showing up, setting a target, and doing the work? That stays with them forever. **So, what’s your child’s "1%" this week? Let’s stop chasing the gold and start chasing the grind. The trophies will take care of themselves.**